Oh Tiani, you beautiful, sleek, sexy thing- you’re fantastic!

This should come as a surprise to absolutely nobody, but the Lelo Tiani is one amazing combination of form, function, and fun. We got one at Ontario Video and News the very day that we sold our last little Swedish silicone wonder, the Lelo Siri, and I couldn’t wait to charge it up and give it a whirl (just in my hands, of course!).

Two Lelo Tiani vibrators

As soon as I opened the box, the elegant black case a harbinger of the beauty inside, my pulse quickened; though I never judge a sex toy by its package (or a book by its cover), opening a Lelo toy always feels like opening a luxurious gift from a lover. Under the lid, nestled in carved out spaces in a flocked black block, lay the deceptively small, simple Tiani, a metallic Insignia pin, and the toy’s glitzy yet classy metallic gold remote control. Friends, Romans, countrymen, I was truly taken aback– who doesn’t love great presentation? I know I do! My co-worker and I stared down in reverence, running our fingers over the silky smooth silicone. I immediately dumped out the contents of the rest of the box, plugged in Tiani’s little head, and began an agonizing two hour wait for the battery to charge.

Before I proceed, I should clarify that I’m serious as a heart attack about my strong reactions to this toy: I love sex toys, I love giving people what they want, I love gadgets, and hey, I also love the color purple, so Tiani was more or less made to blow my mind. I am also talking about Tiani here, not Tiani 2– we don’t have one of those yet. So if any of this is no longer the case with the updated Tiani, my apologies- I’m just behind the times!

Tiani makes use of an accelerometer in its remote control, technology you’d recognize in, for example, the iPhone. This makes it possible for the remote to sense its own position and general movement. This is the key to Tiani’s first two functions. Upon turning it on and linking the toy and the remote, Tiani will buzz at 10% power. Keep the remote flat in the palm of your hand and it will remain at this power; tilt it, and the intensity of vibration will increase. With the remote totally vertical, Tiani will buzz at 100% intensity. The remote is surprisingly sensitive, though occasionally slow to respond. In this first mode, subtle movements of the hand are more than enough to deliver a surprise jolt of power to Tiani’s vibrating head.

Click the center Insignia button and you’ll proceed to the second vibration mode. In this mode, shaking, tossing, or rolling the remote will produce a unique pattern of vibration in Tiani. When the remote is perfectly still, so is Tiani, but give the remote a shake and Tiani will vibrate at full intensity, coming back to a full stop in a few seconds. It is tough to explain how fun these motion-sensitive controls are, so to understand the full potential of this vibration mode, you’ll have to make your way to the friendly neighborhood sex shop and ask for a test drive.

After these motion-sensitive modes come six patterns of vibration, all of which can be set to higher and lower intensities using the plus and minus buttons on the remote. The remote mirrors all vibration in the toy, which is perfect for when a lover is operating the toy for you; the remote can also be set to remain still in vibration modes 3-8, which eliminates the possible distraction of the vibrating remote in your hand.

The Insignia pin, though it initially seems a frivolous addition to the box, presents an interesting possibility: my manager pointed out that if you wear the pin out of the house (with Tiani in your pants), you can engage in some secret exhibitionism. Savvy folks on the street will see the pin, know you are wearing a Lelo toy, and can take in the sight of you trying to contain your ecstasy on the subway, or at the grocery store, or a bar. Intrigued? Here are some ideas…

Go dancing.
Put on Tiani, some tight, lacy undies, give your date the remote, and set it to vibration mode two. In fact, go ahead and strap the remote onto your date’s crotch or underwear and you’ll both be in for lots of surprises on the dance floor.

Show off at dinner.
Same setup as “Go dancing” but give your date complete control over the remote. You’ll never know when Tiani may start buzzing away.

Run your errands.
Same setup, but toss the remote in your pocket or purse. Running to catch the bus? Stopping short in the car? Tossing your bag down at the DMV? I’m sure this will spice up your everyday tasks. As a sex toy enthusiast, I just don’t think errands should be boring when Tiani is out there…

Stay home.
Pick up a set of bed restraints and whatever other gear you desire, tie yourself or your lover up, and engage in a little playful tease and torture from across the room.

Now I’d like to address a few common complaints I have seen and heard regarding Tiani.

“The WeVibe is better!”
The WeVibe is different. Vibration travels very well through Tiani’s internal arm, so particularly for people who only need a little nudge to climax during intercourse, I’m sure Tiani’s single motor is more than enough. A large percentage of people only use vibrating toys externally anyway, so Tiani places a single motor where it is most likely to be needed. I can easily see how the WeVibe’s powerful dual motors would be too much for certain users, and also how Tiani’s single motor would be too little for others. I’ve never had the chance to charge up and play with a WeVibe so I can’t speak to its possibilities as a sneaky exhibitionist vibe, but I will say that Lelo has been consistently praised for its excellent toys year in and year out, so Tiani is an addition to growing tradition of excellence. I promise Tiani is still awesome, even if you really wanted those dual motors.

“The remote is so confusing!
This one I won’t argue. Tiani is not the toy for the technologically challenged. There is much room for improvement with the control interface, particularly the vibrating remote. A quicker way of turning off the vibrations in the remote would be quite welcome. The minimalism in the remote is the only factor which seems like a sacrifice of function in the name of design. But if you tend to be an early adopter of new technologies and you love gadgets, this toy is unbeatable. I also understand that the updated Tiani 2 can be controlled without the remote.

“It won’t work without the remote!”
This has been remedied with a built-in control interface in the toy for Tiani 2.

“It doesn’t work through clothes!”
To test this complaint, I balled up Tiani in a sweater, held the remote out at arm’s length, and gave it a whirl. It worked fine. I can see how this could be dodgy, but the one at my store worked alright, even on old batteries and a limited charge. I vote you take your pants off and get over it.

Even given a few legitimate complaints, if you know what you’re in for with Tiani, it is certainly worth the money you’ll spend on it. When you purchase a Lelo product, you are supporting a higher standard of pleasure products (high quality toys, unparalleled respect for the industry and product, product guarantees, safe materials, etc) in addition to green production standards. Buy it from us and you’re supporting an independently owned brick and mortar sex shop staffed by the most helpful, knowledgeable clerks in the land.

Tiani is currently in stock at Ontario Video and News, and I would love to give you a demonstration of this fun little toy before you take it home. Catch me on the right night of the week and maybe I’d love to make you a deal, too. Round out your purchase with a set of bed restraints, a soft blindfold, and the perfectly minimalist Hypersensitive Water Based V Lube by Icon Brands.

Until next time…may your vice be nice.

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