or “If You Don’t Want to Be Labeled an Asshole then You Shouldn’t Open Your Mouth”  (Alternate title was a co-worker’s contribution. Thanks, Leo!)

To the customer who came in toward the end of my shift and instantly inspired rage, I’m sorry. I was a little short with you. What you said was, in the grand scheme of things, pretty innocuous. It really bothered me, but I could have handled it better.

Allow me to explain: most people who work in retail have a number of annoying encounters in a day, and though it’s to be expected, it doesn’t always roll right off of us instantaneously. We are, contrary to popular belief, people, so even if we keep a stiff upper lip and continue doing our jobs in the face of customers getting rude/huffy/inappropriate with us, some of us are still raging on the inside. If you’re a woman (or read as a woman), and you work a retail job, you take a special kind of abuse: people constantly objectify you and say inappropriate things (as they are wont to do to women in all contexts), and because it is your job to smile and be nice to people, you have few ways of responding that are polite, yet effective at shutting down the inappropriate commentary.

I have a canned responses to all sorts of things that people say to me. “Please don’t comment on my appearance.” “That’s a rather inappropriate question to ask a stranger.” “Please treat me like a clerk, not an object.” “I’m just here to work.” “Don’t say things like that.”

Here’s a tiny handful of things people have said to me today, this week, this month, and repeatedly over the last year in my store:

This morning a man interrupted me, mid-sentence, and said, “Has anyone ever told you how pretty you are?” Yes. All the time.

Yesterday, as I sat behind the counter taking my first few sips of coffee, a man walked out of the store and said, as he did, “How’d you like the rain this morning?” Then he added, narrowing his eyes and looking back at me, “Did you get all wet?” It was 8:20 AM.
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I should be doing anything else in the world besides drinking beer and writing about sex toys but that’s why I’m a third wave housewife– because the dishes and laundry can wait when hedonism calls!

So let’s talk about the Vanity Vr9 by Jopen. Here’s the one we’ve got at the store for people to play with…
Jopen Vanity Vr9
The winner of our raffle will receive a pre-checked, charged Vr9, educational materials, and a few silicone-safe lubricant samples and goodies.

A few fast facts:
-Pure silicone, which means it is hypoallergenic, long-lasting, body-safe, and extremely hygienic.
-Powered by a rechargeable lithium ion battery, which means you never have to worry about the motor burning out because you used faulty batteries.
-Single function, multi-speed, with two independently controlled motors (one in each bulbous tip)
-Perfect for g-spot OR prostate stimulation (at the store, we always recommend using condoms over toys that will be used for multiple orifices, but silicone can be sterilized for extra safety!)
-This sucker retails for about $150! AND I AM GOING TO GIVE. ONE. TO. SOMEONE.

Yes, ladies, gentlemen, and non-binary folks, the Vr9 is going home with someone this week! Because the staff of Ontario Video & News just LOVES YOU THAT MUCH.

When you first take the Vr9 out of the box, you’re hit by the perfect silky-smooth surface and the conspicuous lack of bells, whistles, and obnoxious detailing. There’s no hard plastic, no big control interface, no lumps, bumps, or ridges– just two smooth, integrated buttons, each of which control one of the motors. Press a button once to turn on the corresponding motor- a quick click starts it off with a gentle hum- click it again to turn off the motor, or hold it down to increase the speed. Don’t be shy with this one- it packs a punch and remains very, very quiet, even with both motors going at top speed.

The motorized tips of this toy are angled to hit the g-spot, but as with all curved toys, it also makes a great focused clit simulator (and it will save your arms, neck, and back from reaching allllllll the way down with that little pocket rocket or bullet!), but my first thought was, “PROSTATE VIBE!” So while we’re giving it away on Ladies Night, this is a great toy for anyone with a g-spot or prostate gland, gender be damned. The body of the toy is slightly flexible to adjust to various body types and provide a little extra pressure; it also means that if you like a pulsating vibration, it is VERY easy to bend and tap or bounce against your erogenous zones to substitute for a pulsation function. I bet the small end of this toy would be the perfect companion for oral sex- so inconspicuous! Just slide it in to hit the prostate or g-spot and go to town!

Are you excited? I am! So come by tomorrow, details here and you could take home the Vr9!

Good luck!

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