Dear readers (all three of you), today, I present a guest post from my good friend and kinky cohort CrowofEcstasy. I briefly touched on the problematic representation of kink in Fifty Shades, but I wanted an inside perspective,┬áso I asked CrowofEcstasy to contribute to the conversation. With enviable brevity, he sums up the very heart of the issue, and I’m thrilled to have his words on my site. Without further adieu…

Please Don’t Tell Me You Love 50 Shades

Please don’t tell me you love 50 Shades of Grey. Please, just don’t.
I’ve heard from friends about their coworkers and vanilla friends becoming interested in kink and kink societies because of the 50 Shades series. The thought of encountering these converts fills me with dread.

Allow me to explain. When I read passages from the 50 Shades series, I felt physically ill. The D/s dynamic is abusively established and so very problematic. There’re adults sucking on children’s fingers. It’s sickening. I don’t want people who consider those things okay to be around me. Whether they want to coerce in real life, or to be coerced, I don’t feel safe around players without an understanding and respect for informed consent.

Also, there is a lot of judgment that gets bandied about in kink groups. People tend to police others based on whether or not they think the other person’s kink is acceptable. I fear 50 Shades lovers will bring more of that judgment to the table, because the kink in the series is so very… vanilla. 50 Shades of Grey is supposed to be kinky, but I was hard pressed to find any. Butt plugs and ben wa balls? How is that kinky? Spankings and feeling shocked to have someone touch you… down there? Is it kinky to be shamed by your own body?

50 Shades also lists unacceptable actions, which are pretty mild. Fire play, the presence of blood, fisting— these are all unacceptable. They are also common in kink communities. I am a sadomasochist. I like blood, I like bruises. I love giving and receiving pain. I don’t want to be trying to play around people shocked by kink harder than a spanking. Especially if those people find the seduction of the naive to be acceptable. The people present during play do affect a scene even if they aren’t actively a part of it. I want no shocked gasps or tittering over simple BDSM staples.

So, don’t tell me you love 50 Shades of Grey. I will assume that you are an unsafe and inexperienced player. I will brace myself for your condemnation and naivety. Don’t tell me you love 50 Shades of Grey— odds are that I’ll respect you less.


I had a post all ready to go. I spent about two days working on it, intermittently, confident that I was about to put the subject to rest. I’d gotten to the point of writing in all my html tags and what have you. But after the ten-thousandth read through that post, I decided I wasn’t satisfied, and that finishing it off could wait until today.

That post, and this post, are about Fifty Shades of Grey. A couple of days ago, when I got to work, I thought about asking my co-worker to read my post and give me some feedback. Instead, we flipped through Fifty Shades of Grey behind the counter.
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